One last thing…

When we meet again,
If I don’t know your name-
Please don’t be mad,
Faulty wiring in the brain.

Tiny bits of memory,
Scrambled in time and space,
I may not remember your name,
But I’ll never forget your face.

Your eyes will always haunt me
With the truth I’d never see.
I knew better than to look
At things which will not be.

But, if we meet again,
Please tell me the secrets that you keep,
Please grant me patience,
If I begin to weep.

Whisper to me softly,
Of long ago goodbyes,
If I’m scared or distant,
Tell me the reasons why:

“It’s me, the one you dreamed of,
It’s me, you pushed away.
You asked me to remind you
Of the things we didn’t say.
The face in the dream that lingers,
The breath, and the feel, and the touch,
You had all of these things,
You enjoyed them very much.”

When I ask you, did I thank you
For such a lovely time,
Give me that sexy grin.
And, “the pleasure was all mine.”

This simple, complicated favor,
I can only hope you’ll grant,
But I’ll certainly understand
If you feel you can’t.

If my request is too much,
I ask only these things of you,
Remember me well, and
Take good care of you.

1/7/19

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#28

Medicine does nothing,
No matter what you take,
Science is not a cure
For a heart that aches.

It hurts when you breathe,
When you move, when you sit.
Nothing they can see,
Nothing you can get.

I’ve been a mess forever,
This is nothing new,
Twenty seven different codes –
To Bill out what I’ve been through.

Years of scans and doctors,
Just to hear them all say –
“We’re sorry, it’s clearly wrong,
And it’s going to stay that way.”

I’ve survived them all,
Pushed through pain and hate.
I knew this would hurt,
Heartbreak makes twenty eight.

Strings

I do things I don’t mean to.

I do them over and over again,

Don’t know why I can’t learn

To finish what I begin.

Do it ass backwards.

Then wonder why

The view seems so odd

From this piece of sky?

Sold the guitar,

Kept the strings.

Some small reminder of

Not-so-forgotten things.

Half done projects,

Half-realized dreams,

World crumbling at the edges,

Pulling at the seams.

At the end of my rope,

Not a soul to be found.

My own panicked whimper,

The only steady sound.

12/23/18

The view

Never far from the edge

Just hugging the wall
Taking every little step
Praying I won’t fall

Calculating the distance
Determining the odds,
Daring the universe,
With a grin and a nod.

Sometimes I slip,
I admit it, it’s true.
I wonder if I’d take that step
If I only knew…

But it’s all just a guess
A gamble either way
walking the line
Demanding one more day.
Another day, another chance,
One more secret dance
With one hand over my eyes,
My view, slightly askance.
I do it anyway,
It’s just a part of me,
To look beyond the horizon
For the view that I might see.

If this is kind…

Either it works, or it doesn’t.
Too old, too tired to play petty games.
If you want me, you want me…
Just say my name.

If this is you – trying to be kind,
Trying to say goodbye.
Then don’t worry about me
Big girls don’t cry.

And if this is you,
Thinking you’re kind.
Then I’m better off now,
Reasons not hard to find.

I deserve so much more,
I’m Not willing to give in.
Never giving up my own path
If it’s not a win-win.

I’ll change, I’ll adapt, I’ll be fine
But you will probably never see.
What was once the best you had,
Is the best they’ll ever be.

Forgotten Game

I can’t think what I want to say,

I don’t know what I think.

I brought this all on myself.

Still, inside, something shrinks.

A tiny spark, a small dream,

A crazy idea, a wild thought;

Bit the dust, flew away-

A moment never caught.

A truth I ignored to the end,

A promise I vowed to never say,

Was it all just my illusion?

Rules to a game, I forgot to play?